It didn't take long for me to grasp what a gift I was given when I was briefly introduced via email to the author of this next post. It was several years ago when I met one of her clients at an event at my home church. Jessica and I corresponded then and a few more times before we really had a chance to get to know each other over the past couple of years. She is a beautiful soul--warm, engaging, and truly authentic. You'll love getting to know her a little bit through this post, and I hope you'll take a few minutes to visit her blog (link below) as well. Thank you, Jessica, for sharing your Hope Story with us!
Meet Jessica Wolstenholm!
My Heart Hopes
My daughter’s name is Hope . . . because her life came after a season of longing, waiting, suffering and loss. I had always wanted children and I suppose I thought my mere desire would lead to its reality. I never imagined I would have to contend for something that God created me to be – a mother. After being diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), I knew my journey to motherhood would be longer than the average girl. Two years and two miscarriages later, Hope was born.
Through the process I learned so much about my relationship with Christ. Although I did not want to imagine going through anything worse than I had been through, I remember feeling a sense that this was preparing me for some greater trial.
We simply don’t know what the Lord is going to require of us.
I knew I needed to allow my experiences and His grace through it all to deepen my faith.
Because faith is the substance of things hoped for . . .
Almost two years ago, my husband and I felt it was time to grow our family and believe the Lord for another child. Having come out of the process once before with a healthy baby girl, we knew the steps we needed to take. We had endured our trial and I expected it was behind us. We suffered, we grew, we learned more about ourselves and the Lord. I figured this time it would be easy.
When we experienced yet another miscarriage, I was disappointed but remained hopeful. I believed pregnancy loss was one of the many areas of suffering that could simply not be explained. But I knew that God was faithful and He was good. We discovered four weeks later that I had actually conceived twins and the other one was ectopic (implanted in my right fallopian tube), and not viable. My faith was shaken. Rushed into emergency surgery to remove my tube, I didn’t have much time to think about what was happening (or could have happened) to my body.
After a season of healing, we began to hope again that the Lord would answer our cry for another child. It would be even more challenging to conceive with only one tube but I believed He would bring life. Months went by and even with greater efforts taken through the fertility clinic, I had not conceived. We were at the end of our financial and emotional resources when the fertility doctor sent me home saying, “Call me in a month. You will not conceive this time. Those ripe eggs are on the side with no tube.”
The evidence of things unseen . . .
I was defeated. I was tired. I wondered if His plan for us only included one child. Should we lay down this desire? That evening I had dinner with two dear girlfriends, one of which happens to be my OB. I shared the update through tear-filled eyes and she said, “It can happen. I believe this is the month and so I believe it can still happen.” Her words were like a shot of faith, right in my heart. I felt hope rise up in me like it never has before. Why shouldn’t I conceive against all odds? Why shouldn’t it happen when it would bring the most glory to the Father? I waited more patiently than I ever have that month. Perhaps it was because my head thought it likely wouldn’t happen. But my heart believed. My heart hoped.
A few weeks later I called the doctors office to report that I had conceived. They were stunned. When I went in for my first appointment the nurse kept looking back over my chart to make sure she had her bearings. “So you lost your right tube? And you got pregnant this month?. . . A miracle. Truly a miracle.”
Ten weeks ago I gave birth to that miracle baby boy. His life is evidence of the mystery of faith. We don’t ever know what the Lord is going to require of us. We have to believe that while He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, our greatest desire should be for His glory. When those two things align, miracles happen.
And now, every day when I look into the eyes of my children my heart hopes.
Because He who promised is faithful. . .
JESSICA WOLSTENHOLM spent the past 5 years as Senior Brand Manager at Creative Trust in Nashville, Tennessee. With over ten years experience in the music and publishing industries, Jessica has been named one of Billboard Magazine’s Top 30 Executives under 30. Her passion for ministering to mothers-to-be comes after struggling with infertility and multiple pregnancy losses. She is the co-author of the book, The Pregnancy Companion: A Faith-Filled Guide For Your Journey To Motherhood and blogs at www.thepregnancycompanion.com She resides in Nolensville, Tennessee with her husband Dave, daughter Hope and brand new baby boy, Joshua.
