There are moments in your life when you hit a brick wall. When you realize that the path you are taking is not working for you. I hit that wall a few weeks ago. Things weren't going my way (or at least not the way I thought they should). I had started to doubt my purpose in life, the path I was taking and even my role as a leader. In my eyes I did not live up to the "me" I thought I should be let alone the "me" I displayed for others to see. I thought the enemy was out to get me (you know the saying…the devil is busy seeking whom he may devour). I thought he had succeeded and was winning the war (not to mention, devouring my children, my marriage and our church).
I felt inadequate, I felt useless and I felt like a fraud.
What did I have to offer that was so great? I dare say at this point I may even have even been a bit angry at God! I had to blame someone. Why should I take responsibility for this? It was him that had got me into this mess in the first place. Ladies if you haven't figured it out by now…I was having a big ole pity party! The reality was I had no one to blame but myself. I had stopped studying the Word; I had stopped praying and having conversations with my God. I had even stopped worshipping while in service on Sunday (not that worship is confined to a specific day or place)! And I wonder why my soul felt so empty?
Then this past weekend I attended a Women's Conference and listened as the speaker talked about her inadequacies, her feelings of doubts, and the path God seemed to be taking her down even though it was not the path she had envisioned or even planned for her life. She had gone through some struggles (way tougher than anything I was going through) and she could not understand why God was using her to share and speak about her life. At that moment it was as if God spoke to me in my ear and said…"that is why you are where you are and why you are doing what you do." He said, "Cyndi I placed you where you are because you have a story to tell. Leave the rest up to me." At that moment I began to weep like a baby. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. In my heart I knew that God was with me, has always been with me and as long as I am willing to open up my heart to him he is there for me.
Now I say all of this to encourage those of you who may be struggling with your own purpose in life. Only God knows the path you should take. Lean into him and let him guide you. Our father God knew us before we were formed in our mother's womb. All we have to do is follow his lead. And the only way you can do that is by studying his word, meditating on his word and praising him for the sacrifices he made on our behalf!
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Ladies, you have a story to tell as well! Don't let the enemy rob this generation of your voice! ~Shelley
cynthia m.s jennings
Wife for 27 years to Marcus, mom to Marcus Jr, Marquisha and Martinique. Women's Ministry Director at Woodland Ave Baptist Church in Norfolk VA, where her husband Marcus is the senior pastor. I am a Disney fanatic (hence the name DisneyCyndi). I have been a SAHM for over 27 years. I love checking out the internet each day, planning family trips, reading, decorating, photography, event planning and scrapping of course. My blog is the daily ramblings of a PW living her life the best way she knows how. Trying my best to be the "me" God created me to be!Connect with Cyndi!Blog: http://cyndiakadisneyqueen.blogspot.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/CyndiAKADisneyq
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CyndiAKADisneyqueen
Woodland Ave Baptist Church: http://www.woodlandavebaptistchurch.blogspot.com/
