I'm probably not going to get this post written all in one sitting. I don't think it's going to be a one-post-post either. I'm not really even sure who will stumble across this, or how it might make a difference. I just sense that it's time to tell a little bit more about my journey this past year.
In 1994, I became a mom to a healthy beautiful baby girl. Everything about the pregnancy, labor, and delivery was completely normal. This doesn't change the fact that I love to talk to other moms about it, though! There's something in us that makes us LOVE sharing those stories with each other. I fell in love with that child right away. I finally felt I had found my purpose: to be Amelia's mommy.
When Amelia was around 18 months old, I found out I was expecting again. I was so happy right away, but also a little nervous. Nervous because I had miscarried only a couple of months before, and nervous because I loved Amelia so very much that I was afraid I might not have what it takes to love two children sufficiently. I felt my own inadequacies and insecurities that I now realize most parents feel from time to time.
My pregnancy with my Macey was the easiest of all my pregnancies. I have three children living with me, but I've been pregnant with 7 babies. I was one who either carried a healthy baby to full-term or miscarried some time before week 16. Each pregnancy, after that first miscarriage, carried a combination of emotions: a desire to be excited and start making plans, and the painful reality that just because I was pregnant didn't mean I was going to get to have a baby.
Those 9 months with Macey went by SO fast! And when she arrived, not only had her pregnancy been so easy, so was the labor and delivery. I barely broke a sweat and I didn't even smudge my lipstick. (No joke!) After I had Amelia (23 hours of labor and delivery), I looked like I had been run over by a truck! Right away, I knew. I knew this was a child who was not about to live in her sister's shadow. She was a child who was not going to have any less love from her mommy than her sister enjoyed. I knew she was her own person and that I was going to really enjoy getting to know who that was.
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| Macey and me in 2009 |
I just didn't realize how difficult the journey would be... for her and for me. I had no idea how much God wanted to teach me or how much He had in store for me...or how much I would come to appreciate Pearls.
*I'm reposting this series from fall 2010 as part of the Hope Changes Everything Blog Party 2011 :-) Thanks for joining!
