As Macey continued to grow, there were things about her that were definitely unique. I have told people for years that if I had only had my first child, I might be a pretty opinionated and arrogant parent. It's not that I think Amelia is perfect or that I've parented her perfectly, but it was as if Macey was born with the sole-purpose of making sure momma stays humble! I'll never forget when my first book was completed, published, and printed. I got my first copy in the mail. There really is no feeling quite like it! After all that studying, hard work of writing, teaching the material, re-writing, editing, researching publishing companies, writing some more, and on and on--it seemed like an endless struggle. When it arrived I showed Amelia, and she celebrated with me and said, "Oh Mommy, I am SO proud of you!" Jackson, although only 5 years old at the time, was so happy for me as well (and, in his totally Jackson way, said, "When can I publish MY book?")
I showed Macey and she said, "What does this have to do with me?"And she honestly wasn't trying to be mean or thoughtless. She just wanted to know what my book had to do with her.
From the time of her birth, I knew she loved me. There has always been a very special bond between Macey and me. She didn't warm up much to others at first, and we dubbed her from the start, "Momma's girl." In fact, of my three kids, Macey has never called me "Mommy," always "Momma." I've never doubted she loved me, but I've often doubted whether or not she liked me. (Now, don't get me wrong: I know it's not my job to be liked by my children. I'm just trying to explain something.)
Here are some of the little quirks we noticed:
- Macey likes hugs (sort of) but usually only the ones she initiates. Even today, if I hug her without asking her first if it's okay, she'll flinch and pull away from me.
- She is literal to an extreme (SO many examples of this! I think it has helped me become a better communicator.)
- She doesn't handle change well. (Even something as little --to me--as changing her from being a bus rider to a car rider after school can stress her out.)
- She tends to be very naive and trusting--which, unfortunately, makes her an easy target for kids who like to take advantage of that.
- Every negative emotion tends to be expressed as anger or even rage.
- If you ask her opinion, she'll give it to you. (Beware! Especially if you're asking how you look in a certain bathing suit. I may never do that again.)
- She is extremely hyper-sensitive to noise, touch, texture, light, etc. (Her bedroom and wardrobe are full of fuzzy, soft, cozy items.)
- She doesn't express herself verbally as well as she can express her thoughts/emotions in pictures--word pictures or drawn. In this, she excels!
- She has a very strict system of organization--it works for her but doesn't make sense to the rest of us.
Something that confused me in all of this was the fact that Macey has always been a "Teacher's Pet" of sorts. From her first experiences in Sunday School and Preschool to her days in Elementary and now Middle School (*Update, she is now in her first year of High School), Macey's teachers and administrators have always LOVED her. I receive so many compliments from other adults who work with and know Macey. When I've told them the challenges we face with her at home, they look at me like I'm talking about some other kid.
Now, remember, I have three children, so I know that kids usually behave and perform better for others than they do at home where they're safe to be themselves and make mistakes and even act out. But the difference in Macey is vastly different. Night and day different.
Things that don't bother most of us, greatly bother her--physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. She deals with daily and even moment-by-moment irritations that would go unnoticed by most people.
By the time she got into middle school, I really began to see how things just didn't "click" for Macey in certain areas. I began to see that her struggles weren't simply due to a hearing impairment (and missing cues from people because she didn't hear them). She was getting to an age where it was becoming more and more obvious that there was something else going on.
I've prayed for her for many years now that God would "redeem her filter," because it seemed like she had a filter over her mind that was scrambling messages going in and messages trying to come out.
On the last day of her 6th grade year, I was working in my office here at the house, and I got a phone call I never expected to ever receive...
To be continued...
