Taking Thoughts Captive or Stuffing Emotions?

(I tried and tried to trim this down to 500 or fewer words. Considered making it a two or three parter….gave up. Here it is as-is. ;-) Thanks so much for reading and sharing the journey with me!)

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In 1999, I found myself in counseling as I was going through the difficulties of an unwanted divorce. I’ll never forget one of the days in particular that I was going to see my counselor. On the way to see him, I planned to discuss the pain I was struggling with and the emotions I was experiencing. I kind of rehearsed what I was going to say in my mind before ever getting there because I didn’t want to waste his time or mine. 

When I sat down with him and got through the initial pleasantries of “How are you?” “Fine,” and the like, I began to say what I had rehearsed in my mind. As soon as the words “I feel….” began to escape my lips, he stopped me right then and there. His interrupted me with, “We aren’t here to discuss feelings. I don’t want to hear you use those words. I want to hear what you believe because that is what is going to determine how you get through all of this.” It took me by surprise because I thought counselors wanted clients to discuss their feelings—something I had never been really comfortable doing, but thought it was to be expected. I thought of all the places that would be safe enough to be brutally honest, a counseling office would be it. Nope. After that initial and brief shock, I was in fact relieved. I didn’t actually want to discuss the fact that I was feeling violated, rejected, abandoned, used, and afraid. It seemed weak. It seemed whiney. It didn’t feel like “faith that moves mountains.” It was much easier to rattle off Scripture passages that could tell this man what I believed. So that’s what I did. I tucked away those unpleasant feelings and I impressed this man with how much biblical knowledge I had and how “right” I believed. I kept everything positive… and we both bought it. We only met a couple of times after that and he told me I didn’t need counseling because I was doing just fine. 

Just fine?

Over the next several years, those words continued to impact me. “Feelings don’t matter—only beliefs.” I had never really believed my thoughts, opinions or feelings mattered much. The counselor’s advice only strengthened that idea. I believed that my beliefs and behavior were what counted, so I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I took those negative ‘thoughts’ captive and moved on with right behavior to the best of my ability. I studied Scripture for clues on “how to” believe and behave just right. 

In 2004, I went through a difficult season that forced me to look at the pain in my life. I won’t go into it here, but suffice it to say, it was one of the most difficult experiences I’ve ever dealt with. And the odd thing is, the trigger that forced the pain to the surface wasn’t really that big of a deal all by itself. God, in His mercy, wisdom, and love for me put me into a situation that required me to get completely honest. Ah---and that’s the key, isn’t it? He wants us to be HONEST. He revealed to me how all those times in my life that I thought I was “taking thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ,₁” I was in reality stuffing emotions I didn’t like feeling; and in doing so, I was living a less than honest life.

God desires truth in the deepest parts of who we are…₂

 

God wants us to be completely honest with him—not impressive. Honest. You and I can go to him with EVERYTHING. If I refuse full disclosure with God (and myself), for the sake of ‘being positive or faith-filled,’ I miss out on the deeper intimacy of knowing God and being known by Him. Just as I can only know my husband to the degree that I know what he thinks and feels, and not just what he does, our ability to know and be known by God in a real relationship is hindered when I miss out on this level of intimacy.

After that experience in 2004, I began viewing Scripture through a different lens. Rather than reading the Bible as a “how to guide,” I began to see the story within the stories. And I realized something else, too: God chose to use people who were imperfect, but REAL. Think about it. David—real. Jeremiah—real. Abraham—real. Esther—real. The disciples—real. (Except for one, and we all know how that turned out!) God used pretty unimpressive people and did very impressive things through them because He had their true selves—the good, the bad, and the ugly. When they were flagging in their faith, they told Him. When they were discouraged and ready to quit, they told him that, too. When they were in awe of Him and His faithfulness, they praised Him sincerely.

God wants to do a real thing in each of us, but He can’t do this until He has the real us to work in and through.

God isn’t waiting for us to be perfect or polished or even “positive”-- especially if it’s all just a façade. He wants us to GET REAL. He invites us into a relationship with Him where the real me meets up with the real Creator of my very being. How can we ever absorb the truth that sets us free if we keep ourselves chained to the shackles of lies and half-truths just for the sake of proving we have faith? How can we be set free if we refuse to trust the very One who has the power to set us free?

It dawned on me during that season in ’04 that all the time I spent thinking I was taking thoughts captive, I was actually just stuffing emotions. I was pretending. I wasn’t being completely honest with myself or with God—much less anyone else! I realized I didn’t really even know myself because I had never allowed myself to be completely honest—I was too busy trying to behave. I began to realize that these emotions God gave me are designed for a purpose and when we keep them from doing what they were created to do, they don’t like it. Eventually, and in one way or another, they surface. Someone once asked me, “So when you went through that experience, God showed you your feelings matter?” And I answered, “NO. It was so much bigger than that. God showed me that I matter (to God)!” 

I’m so grateful that In those times when my trust in Him is flagging, I can cry out with honesty, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!³” 

And, you know what? He has. He does. He will.

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How have you dealt with negative emotions? It’s easy to swing in either direction of extremes: from adopting a negative view of life in general and becoming a complainer, to pretending all is well even when things are falling apart around us. I believe there’s a balance and I believe we can live there—imperfectly, but more and more consistently as we learn to be honest. What about you?

₁ See I Corinthians 10:5

₂See Psalm 51:6

3 See Mark 9:24

It's Happening...

From all over the world...and from all walks of life...from every background... and from every nation...God is doing what we've asked Him to do. He is answering our heartfelt cries. He is honoring our tears. He has heard us. He has been listening all along, even when He seemed to be distant.

It is happening.

God is bringing the revival so many of us have prayed for and longed for, some of us for years, some for many years--but I don't think it looks at all like what we expected it would look like.

I think that most of us in the Church had something in particular in mind when we envisioned a God-sent revival. We pictured people by the thousands coming into our churches and getting their acts together and becoming a part of our way of doing things. I think we pictured it to be a reward for all of our hard work.

But it doesn't look like that at all, does it?

It's not the way we envisioned a revival to look at all.

Instead, what we're seeing looks a whole lot messier and whole lot less impressive than what we had prayed and hoped and fasted for and longed for.

But it is so much better. SO. MUCH. BETTER. Because it is REAL. It is AUTHENTIC. It is a revival of God's intended message from the very beginning of time. It's a revival of GRACE!

For most of my life, I understood grace to mean that I didn't have to go to hell when I died. (That was definitely some good news--no one {sane} would argue that point). I understood grace to be God's gift that would pardon and forgive sins I had committed so that I wouldn't have to pay the price. (Grace does include that, of course, and would be more than I could ever earn, for sure--but it doesn't end there.) I also began to understand that grace is what gives me each breath that I breathe. Grace is what allows me to have relationships, shelter, food, etc. (And, please don't misunderstand me, I am grateful that Grace gives me that.)

My concept of God and His grace were not accurate, though, in that they were incomplete. As Traylor Lovvorn words it, "My theology in those days was that God did His work at the cross and that holy, sanctified living was, in essence, a thank you to God for saving me. Christianity for me was the Gospel of sin-management, rather than a bold, wild-hearted adventure with the God of the universe." And I believe this kind of description is what we've hoped revival would bring: more people accepting Christ's forgiveness of their sins and thereby becoming managers of their sin and behaviors in the ways so many of us have learned to do. More people striving with their strong self-effort (with "help" from the Holy Spirit of course) to live holy lives where our sin is managed well and in doing so, we glorify a Holy God on earth.

I'm so grateful to God for answering our prayers, and for answering them His way, rather than ours.

Still learning what this Grace is really all about...
Shelley

The Real Me

Several years ago I taught through the book of Jeremiah in my Sunday School class. As always, the teacher always learns more than the student (and usually needs to!). One passage in particular stood out to me then, and has come to mind today. If you have about 2 minutes, read Jeremiah's words from the New Living Translation:

Jeremiah’s Complaint
From Jeremiah Chapter 20
7 O Lord, you misled me, and I allowed myself to be misled. You are stronger than I am, and you overpowered me. Now I am mocked every day; everyone laughs at me. 8 When I speak, the words burst out. “Violence and destruction!” I shout. So these messages from the Lord have made me a household joke. 9 But if I say I’ll never mention the Lord or speak in his name, his word burns in my heart like a fire. It’s like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can’t do it! 10 I have heard the many rumors about me. They call me “The Man Who Lives in Terror.” They threaten, “If you say anything, we will report it.” Even my old friends are watching me, waiting for a fatal slip. “He will trap himself,” they say, “and then we will get our revenge on him.”

11 But the Lord stands beside me like a great warrior. Before him my persecutors will stumble. They cannot defeat me. They will fail and be thoroughly humiliated. Their dishonor will never be forgotten. 12 O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, you test those who are righteous, and you examine the deepest thoughts and secrets. Let me see your vengeance against them, for I have committed my cause to you. 13 Sing to the Lord! Praise the Lord! For though I was poor and needy, he rescued me from my oppressors.

14 Yet I curse the day I was born! May no one celebrate the day of my birth. 15 I curse the messenger who told my father, “Good news—you have a son!” 16 Let him be destroyed like the cities of old that the Lord overthrew without mercy. Terrify him all day long with battle shouts, 17 because he did not kill me at birth. Oh, that I had died in my mother’s womb, that her body had been my grave! 18 Why was I ever born? My entire life has been filled with trouble, sorrow, and shame.


How many times do we go through these same emotions, from doom and despair and complaining, to praising and worshiping, and then right back to "woe is me!"?
I love that the people written about in Scripture were REAL people. Not one of them was perfect. In fact, most of them were pretty messed up, but one thing I notice about the ones God used most mightily: they were there authentic selves before God. Jeremiah wasn't out to impress God with how much faith he had. He went to God with who he really was. He brought all of who he was to all of who God is. Sometimes I find myself stressing, "Am I praying just the right way?" "What am I doing that is causing me to have so many things go wrong all at the same time?" And other thoughts like this. But then I go back to truth that says that because of His grace, I can approach God boldly in my time of need. (See Hebrews 4:14-16)


I don't have to pretend with Him or perform for Him~If I do, He'll see right through it anyways. I am thankful that I, like Jeremiah, can be a real person with real struggles, real complaints, and real faith. FAITH is all about the one whom you put your trust in; it's not a measure of how strong you are.


Thank you God that you see the real me, and you don't turn away when you do. Thank you that I can come to you just as I am.
And, thank you that you love me right where I am, and that you love me too much to leave me there.

If you've never heard Natalie Grant's song, "The Real Me," you can listen to it here I have it downloaded on my iPhone and I listen to it fairly often. It's a great reminder that God sees, and God loves, the REAL me. I hope it'll be an encouragement to you today as well!
Adapted from and Originally Posted Wednesday, November 19, 2008