Greatest Hits Series features Most Read Post in this blog's history

It's been so great revisiting some of the posts that have had the biggest impact on those of you who read this blog. I chose to post the ones with the "greatest" number of views or "hits," and I've said the one with the most (by far!) for last. 


So, here with go with the Final in this week's series, "Greatest Hits!"


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I'm SO honored and thrilled to introduce this amazing woman to you....that is if you don't already know her. She is one of the most engaging, authentic, joy-filled and gracious women I know. And we've never even been in the same place at the same time. One of the great things about technology is that it connects us to people we wouldn't otherwise get to know. 


Most of you, if you've followed anything I've done in the past 5 years or so, have heard me mention regularly (possibly even obnoxiously?) John Lynch with Truefaced and Open Door Fellowship in Phoenix, AZ. John and his fabulous wife, Stacey, have done an incredible job leading many, many people into a greater understanding of grace, authentic community, and living out of who God says we are. Imagine getting to be their kid. Right? Wow. Well, since we don't all get that honor, I wanted to introduce you to someone who does have that honor:


Meet Amy Lynch Reid!

Hope Changes Everything

"Hope" is a feeling of expectation or a desire for something to happen. I think about how disappointing it can be to be hopeful for things- to hope for a raise; for a friend to pursue you back; for your car to start running better, etc. We hope, and desire, and expect these things, and so many more, to happen. And when they don't, we feel discouraged and hurt and let-down. Hoping can be scary and risky. But when we put our hope in the Lord, He doesn't disappoint. It is so beautiful to experience this first hand, to trust that there is someone to put your hope in who will not let you down.

I am a super happy, joyful, positive, energetic almost-24-year-old girl. I love life- I love traditions and holidays and surprises and all the little moments that make life special. I don't have many down days. But just in this last year, my life got really shaken up. A series of really hard situations put me in a bad place. Circumstantially, my life seemed like it was upside down. And as someone who has had very few sad days in her life, I was contemplating antidepressants. I couldn't make sense of my life. I couldn't get a grip of my emotions. I couldn't find my way out of my disappointment and hurt.

I started reading through the Bible in a year in January. And a few months ago, I got to Job. I've always known the story of Job, but it's never been something I could relate to. He experienced so much suffering; so much was taken away from him; he couldn't figure out why or find answers to his situation. But after all of his loss and suffering, he says "you have redeemed my soul and I will live to enjoy the light." I kept reading and re-reading this verse. Regardless of his unfortunate circumstances, he was choosing to live for the light of Christ. I was reminded that in my darkest days, when nothing seems to make sense, He is absolutely enough! When I choose to put my hope in Him, it changes EVERYTHING. He has always been and will always be enough. If every other piece of my life falls apart; if I lose everything...I can still find joy by putting my hope in Him. He promises to protect those who love Him. And He does. He has taken such good care of me, especially on those dark days when I cry out to Him. I will continue to put my hope in Him because it really does CHANGE EVERYTHING!


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More about Amy, in her own words...


My name is Amy Reid. I'm 23 years old. I was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona; nurtured and protected by one of the sweetest communities on earth. I moved to California for college when I was 17. I met a California boy, fell in love, and got married in 2009. I'm now a California girl, living in Alta Loma, with my handsome husband, Danny, and our adorable dog, Dupree. The things that make my world spin 'round are: my faithful Jesus, my flat-out awesome family, my precious husband, and my addiction to Starbucks, chocolate, and all things fun!

Greatest Hits Series continues with a great post by @shasherslife

Number 4 in this "Greatest Hits" Series features an incredible message from Shannon Mischuk, our friend on the North side of the border! I am confident your heart will resonate with Shannon's on the topic she chose in a guest blog series from 2010.

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Shannon Mischuk is…..

Who?

I have been staring at a blank screen for a few weeks now, trying to write my simple bio for this guest post. It got me thinking though… who am I?  I can hear the theme music to CSI: Las Vegas playing in the background of my mind…

My usual tagline starts with, “I’m the Pastor’s Wife and Mother of 4…” but is that who I am? Is that where my value comes from?

Don’t worry; I’m not going through a mid-life crisis. 

I’ve been a Pastor’s Wife for 14½ years and a mother for 12 and I love it – it brings me great joy but is that what defines me?

I have spoken to too many women over the years that after motherhood especially; find it difficult because they feel that they have lost a piece of themselves. They go through an identity crisis of sorts as their children age, where they don’t know who they are any longer, they’ve become, “just a Mom”.

Does my value come from external circumstances / situations or does it come from knowing Jesus?

When your value is wrapped up in what you do; whether that is teaching Sunday school, being a CEO, pastoring a church, singing in the choir, or being a wife or mother… if any of these cease to exist, or change in anyway, our value of who you are, crumbles with it.

You have to ask yourself, “Who does God say I am?”

The Bible says in 1 John 3:1a, “What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we're called children of God! That's who we really are…”

It’s not cliché to say, “I’m the daughter of the King” because that is what I am – through Christ Jesus!

·         I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:21)

·         I am loved (1 John 3:3)

·         I am accepted (Ephesians 1:6)

·         I am established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21)

·         I am God’s co-worker (2 Corinthians 6:1)

·         I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)

·         I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1)

·         I am complete in Jesus Christ (Colossians 2:10)

·         I have been created to prosper! (Psalms 1:3)

And I could go on…

My value comes from knowing who I am in Jesus Christ, which comes from knowing God intimately. When you understand who you are in Christ Jesus -- your circumstances in life may change but you will have a solid foundation for which stand upon.  

Your identity doesn’t depend on something you do or have done. Your true identity is who you are in Christ. Through Jesus you are a new creation, the old has passed away and all things become new.

It’s time to stop limiting yourself by what you and/or what others may think of you, what you do or have done and take a hold of the truth of what God says about you.

So let me ask you…. “Who Are You?!”

Shannon Mischuk

 

Shannon Mischuk lives in Kitchener, Ontario Canada with her hot hubby and four fabulous children. If you hang around her, you’ll hear her say things like, “My children will rise up and call their Mother blessed” and “In this family, we build each other up”. She enjoys her life to the fullest and the journey that God has them on as a family.

Connect with Shannon!

Blog: http://www.shasherslife.com/

Twitter: http://twitter.com/shasherslife

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Shasherslife?ref=ts

New Song Church and World Outreach
site: www.newsong.ca

 

Greatest Hits Series featuring my own daughter with #Aspergers

As I began looking for the top posts (ones with the most page "hits"), I smiled when I saw my own daughter's up there in the Top 5. I'm so proud of her! So, for those who haven't met her, Here's Macey!

My life with Asperger Syndrome...

Do you ever feel different than everyone else?
 I'm sure you do, I'm  different too. 
 I have Asperger Syndrome. I think
 differently than others, when people  talk or
 whenever I'm reading something I always think in pictures, I don't 
 have to try and picture things in my mind, it just comes naturally.


That's why whenever my family talks to me they usually have to explain
 what  their saying to me. For example about a month ago my mom  
said to  me "I'm so busy I wish I could be cut into three pieces" and I
  just looked at her and said "What?!?" Having asperger Syndrome is 
good in some ways but there are also alot of things that are not good,
 and that I have to get help with due to me having Asperger  Syndrome.

People who have Asperger Syndrome have anger issues and get ticked
off VERY easy by others, it's not that we want or try to be mean,we truly
can't help it. Whenever I get mad at my older sister, I would normally
scream at her or throw something at her; my mother said that instead
of treating others with such behavior I need to tell them what they did
wrong, and why I didn't like it. The problem with me is I can't stand
when someone tells me what to do, and whenever I do something
wrong I'm usually very defensive, I've been seeing a counselor who
 helps those with Asperger Syndrome, his name is Charlie. I'm
learning how let my anger settle down alot and things I can do to
 help, It's not like count to ten and take deep breaths, it's I need
 to be in a room alone where I cannot be bothered at all by anyone,
sometimes I just need a brake from people, most of the time they
don't even do anything wrong I just get irritated by almost anything
 and it's not even funny. I can't stand when somebody constantly
 pokes me or taps my shoulder it makes me want to scream at
 them and say get your hand off me before I bite it off! I'm not
 trying to be funny while I tell you what I have to deal with, I truly
 hate having Asperger Syndrome. I get in trouble constantly and
 I normally have no clue what I did that was so bad/wrong, see
 that's the thing with Asperger's, I think differently than others
and I have seriously bad anger issues. I've matured alot in the
 past few years, but when I was younger, my family had no clue
 what Asperger Syndrome was and I'd be grounded almost every
 month. Now that I'm almost fifteen, you'd think my punishments
 would be much harsher, well think again I already have to deal
 with Asperger Syndrome for the rest of my life, and my mom
 understands, so she give me punishments that will not hurt me,
 but help me.

Since I have Asperger Syndrome I'm not really allowed to be eating
gluten  foods like wheat products because gluten foods, or foods
with gluten  in them make the disorder I have alot worse than it is already,
but the good news is, I can eat healthier because I'm not eating pizza,
white bread, or biscuits. Although I eat some wheat products I don't
eat alot and I rarely ever eat any at all.

The amazing thing about having Asperger Syndrome is, most people
who create such amazing things have Asperger Syndrome, I'm not
 lying but the world would be extremely boring if there were no
people with Asperger Syndrome. The man who created Facebook
 has Asperger Syndrome, and Temple Grandin who  is the most
 famous person with Autism created a machine for cows to go into
 when they get turned into yummy hamburgers. (Asperger Syndrome
 is form of Autism).

People who have Asperger Syndrome usually have something they
love to do more than anything else, it's something that calms you
down and just relaxes you, in my case I have two things, I love to
 sing and swing. I can be as mad or as sad as ever and if I do
 either one of these things all the feelings just vanish and it brings
happyness to me.

People who have Asperger Syndrome are extremely sensitive to
things not just emotionally but mainly physically, and their
imagination is so strong you never can tell if your dreaming
or if something is real, for example my old house was never
 haunted and isn't haunted now, but whenever I was alone,
and only when I was alone, I would hear my name and a
 tapping on my shoulder, it scared me to death cause I truly
 couldn't tell if it was real or not. I'm also very picky with
 texture I can't stand to wear tight clothes or anything ichy
 no matter how cute I thought it was. I also hate wearing pajama
 pants to sleep because I tend to move around ALOT in my sleep
 and I hate when my pajama pants go up to my thighs, so I sleep
 with pajama shorts instead, even in the cold winter. Since i'm so
 picky with texture, I can't stand quite alot of foods, I will not eat
anything sea food except some fish (Tilapia, Tuna, and Salmon)
and I dont really like the texture of that either. I won't eat anything
 if someone else touched it, even if it was my mom or my best friend.
 It's not anyone's fault that I refuse to eat after them that's just the
way Asperger Syndrome people are. About a month ago my little
 brother and his friend were over at our new house and he wouldn't
stop playing in my spaghetti, so I yelled at him, which is way nicer
 than what I wanted to do to him. Since I'm so sensitive to things,
it's impossible for me to swallow pills, I've tryed a million times and
it just won't go down.

This is the life of having Asperger Syndrome. My anger issues,
my sensitivity, my way of calming down, what I can and cannot do,
 and just everything that I have to deal with is not only hard for me
 to deal with but also my family. The best thing to have around a
person with Asperger Syndrome is patience. :)

Greatest Hits Series Part 2 featuring @CindyBeall #FB

I have been so fortunate to get to share this blog space with some amazing people and so I've decided to re-post some of the best posts in case you may have missed them in the past, or just need them once again. There is definitely something to be said for repetition. There is definitely something to be said for repetition. ;-)

So without further ado, I present to you Installment #2 in "The Greatest Hits" Series with a humble, real, and powerful word from Cindy Beall!

 Blessings!!




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I love, love, love how God connects us with people, don't you? I think it's pretty cool how He isn't afraid to use Social Media to do just that. ;-) When I asked my new friend, Cindy Beall, if she'd like to join the party, I was thrilled when she said yes. I was blown away when I read what she shared. You will be, too. 

I don't know what you're going through. But this I do know: Hope really does change everything!

Meet Cindy Beall!

How Hope Changed Me

By Cindy Beall

Hope.

An expectation of obtainment. To expect with confidence.

I hope that I get that promotion.

I hope that my children don’t get hurt.

I hope that I find an amazing man to marry.

Everybody hopes in something. For something. If they say they don’t, they’re lyin’.

Just sayin’.

I hoped that one day I’d find my knight in shining armor. I didn’t know when he’d arrive on my doorstep so while I waited for him, I made a list of things that I desired my future husband to possess. Tall. Musical. Loves Jesus. Sensitive. Funny. Respectable. Admirable. Honest. Trusting. Protecting. Handsome.

I hoped for a lot.

Finally, he found me. And I found him. We were smitten with each other from our very first date. Apparently, he liked me so much that, unbeknownst to me, he put a down payment on my wedding ring the next day. And ten months later, I got a new last name.

American author, Catherine Marshall said, “God is the only one who can make the valley of trouble a door of hope.” I had no idea how applicable this quote would be in my life one day. But nine years into our marriage, everything crumbled. Actually, it crumbled before that but I just didn’t know it. I’d come to find out that for a period of about two years, my husband, Chris, acted out on his very sordid addiction to pornography and committed multiple acts of infidelity. The day he confessed all of this to me was the worst day of my life. I came to realize that it was just the first of many worse days in my life.

My marriage died. So did my hope.

But then God. On the days when I could barely lift my head from the pillow, God gave me strength. When the images would come flooding into my mind, God gave me peace. When the pain bombarded me and suffocated me like a blanket in 100° weather, God comforted me.

He will provide the same for you. Strength. Peace. Comfort. Hope.

Now I can’t promise that He will remove the storms from your life. I can’t promise that you’ll have a comfortable, pain-free existence on this earth. I can’t promise that you’ll get everything you want and dream for.

What I can promise is that when you are weak, He’ll be strong. When you think you can’t take another step, He’ll carry you. When you are in despair, He’ll be your hope. We find these truths in Isaiah 40:30-31:

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Hope in the Lord.

Hope in the Lord.

Hope in the Lord.

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click book to order

Cindy Beall is a writer, mentor and speaker to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris’ infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God’s grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv and Cindy leads the women’s ministry on their campus. Her first book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, released July 1, 2011, with Harvest House Publishers.  www.cindybeall.com

Greatest Hits Series Begins TODAY! Featuring @KarolLadd #FB

I have been so fortunate to get to share this blog space with some amazing people and so I've decided to re-post some of the best posts in case you may have missed them in the past, or just need them once again. There is definitely something to be said for repetition. There is definitely something to be said for repetition. ;-)

So without further ado, I present to you "The Greatest Hits" Series beginning with a great message from Karol Ladd!

 Enjoy!!




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From the "Hope Changes Everything" series, Fall 2011:

I am so thankful for my wonderful friends who have been willing to share their Hope stories with all of us. You will definitely be encouraged as Karol shares her Hope Changes Everything insight here:



Thank you, Karol!! This chick appreciates you so much!

About Karol

Dynamic, Deliberate, Delightful

Karol Ladd is known as “the Positive Lady.” Her heart’s desire is to inspire women with a message of lasting hope and Biblical truth. Karol is open, honest and real in both her speaking and her writing.

Formerly a teacher, Karol is the best-selling author of over 25 books including The Power of a Positive Mom,The Power of a Positive Woman and Thrive, Don’t Simply Survive.

As a gifted communicator and dynamic leader, Karol is a popular speaker to women’s organizations, church groups and corporate events across the nation. Karol teaches a Bible study in North Dallas called the Positive Woman Connection, and her lessons are offered on DVD through Harvest House Publishers. Karol is a frequent guest on radio and television programs.

Her most valued role is that of wife to Curt and mother to daughters Grace and Joy

Find Karol online at www.karolladd.com and find all her social networking connections there as well!

New Series for this next week: Greatest Hits! #FB

I have been so fortunate to get to share this blog space with some amazing people and so I've decided to re-post some of the most viewed posts (i.e. "Greatest Hits") in case you may have missed them in the past, or just need them once again. There is definitely something to be said for repetition. There is definitely something to be said for repetition. *Wink*

So, make sure to come back beginning Monday, 2/20/12 to hear from these amazing women:
Karol Ladd
Shannon Mischuk
Amy Reid
Macey Pound
Cindy Beall

I know you'll be glad you did!

Close Your I's AKA Roadblocks to Intimacy in #Marriage

The first few days of this series on Love, Romance and Marriage, we talked about the ways in which we as couples can "Open Our I's" and the benefits we'll receive and experience if we do so. Today, we (Stephen and Shelley) want to talk about some of the common Roadblocks to Intimacy within Marriage. We believe you'll find this to be helpful and practical. 

"There is no fear where love exists. Rather, perfect love banishes fear..."

 I John 4:18 ISV

• Roadblock #1: Ignoring Strong Feelings. 
• Roadblock #2: Isolating during Conflict.
• Roadblock #3: Insecurity 
• Roadblock #4: Inconsistency

You may wonder how we came up with these four roadblocks. As a counselor for the past decade or so working with men and women of all ages and backgrounds who struggle with strongholds to the point that their lives have become unmanageable, Stephen has seen these four issues play out again and again. For Shelley, her experiences with women's ministry for many years--which includes women in full-time ministry and women who have never had a personal relationship with Christ, and everywhere in between--she, too, has seen these issues show up many, many times. But let's face it, the bottom line is that we're married. We have dealt with, and still deal with to some extent, these roadblocks from time to time. The good news is that these roadblocks can be removed!

We have come to realize something that has created a major paradigm shift in our thinking and in our ways of dealing with challenges in relationships. This doesn't just apply to marriage, but since marriage is our only covenanted human relationship, it makes sense that this would be the relationship we'd most want to solidify and help to be as healthy and thriving as possible, right? Okay, so let's jump in!

1. "Every act of disobedience is founded in distrust." Bill Thrall
2. The Two greatest motivators cannot operate in the same life at the same time. These two greatest motivators are FEAR and LOVE. Only Love can overcome fear. ~Shelley Hendrix

When I begin to understand that every time I allow a roadblock to intimacy form between me and my spouse that it is caused by fear/distrust, it gives me something tangible to work with to help remove that roadblock. 

For example, if I struggle with Roadblock #1 and I tend to ignore my strong feelings and not share these openly with my spouse, it is highly productive to realize where this is coming from: fear. More often than not, when this Roadblock erects itself, it's main ingredient is fear of rejection. There's this white noise in our brains that if we'll listen to prayerfully, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal what is actually being said, we'll begin to realize that it's actually saying, in our own voices, "If I share this with my spouse, they will not understand; they will be disappointed in me; they won't be attracted to me; they'll get mad; they'll think I'm not trustworthy just because I'm feeling this way..." etc. The truth is, depending on a spouse's own experiences and maturity level, some of these fears may well be founded. But in most cases, your spouse is waiting for you to take the risk of this level of honest communication which may very well open the door to greater intimacy.

Let's look briefly at Roadblock #2, shall we? In our marriage, Stephen tends to isolate during conflict. Again, this action is based in fear rather than love. If we shut down indefinitely due to friction in our relationship, we miss out on the greater intimacy and enjoyment that can be experienced when we choose to act in love and engage with our spouse. Granted, during times of strong emotion, we may need a "time out," from one another to clear our heads, check our own motives, and pray. But this time out doesn't need to last forever! Honor one another by setting some kind of time limit to the break from one another with the commitment to do your part to engage in a timely manner. 

When we consider Roadblock #3 we see that our own insecurity, which can be a guy thing and a girl thing, is evident by the walls we erect between us and our spouse. This was something I (Shelley) experienced for the first two to three years of my marriage to Stephen. Having been through a very painful divorce of my own after going through the pain of my parents' divorce (after 23 year of marriage), I was guarded-to put it mildly! I wanted to enjoy intimacy with my spouse, but my own insecurity (FEAR) fueled my ability to keep Stephen at arm's length. I remember thinking to myself, "I'll get close, but not too close, because if he ever decides to hurt me, I need to keep a part of me for myself--a part I'll know he never knew." I thought I was protecting myself. I wasn't. God, in His infinite grace and tenderness, gently worked on my heart and mind to help me recognize what I was doing and how much I was going to miss out on in my marriage if I didn't commit fully to knowing and being known by my spouse. You may notice that the first thing was allowing myself to trust my Heavenly Father and then my spouse. 

And, finally Roadblock #4: As I (Stephen) counsel individuals and couples, I notice that one of the roadblocks couples experience is this one of being inconsistent in their promises and commitments to one another. For example, a husband makes a commitment to show greater patience with his wife and her family, but when it becomes even slightly uncomfortable for him, the commitment is broken--which doesn't help to foster trust in his wife. Another example can be much less significant. It could be something as little as promising to take out the trash to help your spouse out and then not doing it--again and again. Remember, all disobedience is formed in distrust; so spouses, if your husband/wife is simply forgetful, that's one thing. But when you realize you're the one who's guilty of inconsistency, the responsibility to overcome this becomes yours. What is the antidote then? Intentionality. Sometimes it means caring enough to write it down, or put it in your phone with an alarm to remind you. These simple things can go a long, long way!

Fear motivates. It's a very, very strong motivator, isn't it? It is what keeps terrorists in business. It's how the enemy of your soul motivates you. The Bible teaches that Love casts out fear. And not just love, but PERFECT Love--that's God's love. If we will allow ourselves to trust our Heavenly Father with whatever trust we have (it can be the tiniest amount) He'll use it! Remember, it's not how much trust you have, but in whom you place that trust, that matters most. 

Ignoring strong feelings, isolating from your spouse, giving insecurity room to grow, and being inconsistent rather than intentional--these are the I's you want to close if you're going to experience greater intimacy with the one to whom you said, "I do." 

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One final thought as we wrap up this series. Not all of us have spouses who, right now, would be willing to go in 100% to match the 100% you want to offer. We realize and understand that this is the case far too often. May we encourage you to seek out a safe person to talk with and to walk with you? This can be a good friend, a counselor, a pastor, a family member, etc. But please do not try to go it alone. 

The other tip is this: don't try to be the Holy Spirit to your spouse and refuse to compare him/her to other spouses you come in contact with. The truth is, God is the One who convicts and changes lives, not us. And although you may know other spouses well (even your own parents), you really don't know the whole story and you don't know what they had to go through to get to where they are. Andy Stanley recently said, "There is no win in comparison," and we couldn't agree more!

If you need guidance or resources to help you take steps toward trusting God more, please take a look at The Hopequest Ministry Group Resource page which has a number of recommendations we encourage you to check out. 

The Beauty of Fidelity

Part 4 in the "Love, Romance & Marriage" Series

The Beauty of Fidelity... by Shelley Hendrix

Affairs. Pornography. Infidelity. I realize that not everyone reading this has experienced first-hand the side effects these bring to a significant relationship like marriage; and I am SO thankful there are those out there who haven't. But the sad fact remains that we have all been impacted by at least one person's choice (perhaps our own) to cross a line that had once been declared to be a non-negotiable.

I always want to be so careful how much I share of my personal story when it involves other people and their stories. So, without going into details, I just want to start off by saying that because of the choices others have made in my life and strongholds loved ones have had, as a female, this was a very, very sensitive subject for me most of my life. I wanted to find security in a relationship with a man, but was honestly afraid that wasn't possible. This kept me guarded for a long, long time.

I wondered if a man could ever find me to be enough both in real life and in what he chose to use as "entertainment." I wondered for women if one man could really be enough to satisfy her emotional needs and offer her the security she craved.

So, I set out on a bit of a quest to find out the answer to this question: "If God made us this way, knowing the struggle we would have with it, how is it a good thing that He made us so different from one another?" My husband has said so many times how much he wishes a husband and wife could swap places for even 24 hours in order to understand one another better. We've learned over the past decade + together that God designed marriage in such a way as to help us learn this without having to experience a "Freaky Friday." It just takes time. It takes commitment. And it takes humility--to trust God and to place ourselves under His authority as He works in and through us both as individuals and as a couple.

For me specifically, the first and main topic I wanted to tackle was how in the world it was a good thing that God made my husband to be visually stimulated knowing I would only get older (and deal with all the physical realities of that) while the temptation would always be available in a younger, more beautiful package than I'd be able to offer.

Maybe you've never struggled to understand how this is a good thing. But for those of you who have or still do, I want to invite you to stick around a few minutes while I share my story.

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I knew my friend, *Deborah would have the answer for me. I was in my mid-20's and she in her 50's. Besides that, she was a counselor who had become a trusted friend. As I struggled with this one issue that seemed to always be present in my marriage (especially), I felt confident that Deborah would have the answer that would bring me peace. I asked her, "How is it a good thing that my husband was created to be visually stimulated even though I, as his wife, will only get older and less physically attractive as the years go by? How in the world is this a 'good thing' for me? How in the world can I compete?"

Her answer surprised me. She simply said, "When you figure that out, please let me know. I still struggle with this myself." She recommended a book to me to read (a book by men for men) and as I read the first few chapters it only increased my insecurity. I wanted to throw it across the room and never look at another man again. I'm thankful I kept reading.

Through that book and others, especially God's own Word, God began to reveal some important, life-changing, peace-giving, security-offering truths. This is the first time I've ever shared this part of my journey in a public setting. I hope it helps someone out there in some way:

1) The beauty of fidelity is in the Choice.

I remember a time when my daughter shared with me that she was tempted to do something, knowing she'd get away with it. She knew I'd most likely never find out about this activity and that, as far as she knew, there wouldn't be any painful consequences. But she chose not to do it. When she shared this experience with me, I was overjoyed!! Knowing that she had the opportunity, but chose to do the right thing and chose to honor herself, her family, and her God was a blessing all parents desire. If she had obeyed out of fear of the consequences, that would be one thing. It might keep her safe and I'd be grateful for that; but the fact that she made the choice out of love and respect meant even more.

2) If you aren't given the choice, there is no love. If I didn't have the opportunity to choose my husband again and again every day, then where is the love? I used to wish God would just program a man when he gets married to only be interested in his own wife--like a switch would turn on or off in his brain that would make a woman totally secure in her husband's faithfulness once they said, "I do." It felt safer. I desired a husband who wouldn't even have the ability to find another female attractive. I had been so wounded by this in different ways and it just seemed like God made a mistake in how He designed us.  Maybe it would be safer if God did that; but it would not be love. Love comes when one person chooses another, knowing the option to leave is available to them. Forced love isn't love. Our Heavenly Father knows that if we strive to sin less we may never learn how to love. But when we learn how to love--and this always involves a choice--then we will inevitably sin (i.e. hurt God, ourselves and others) less.

3) When I choose my mate, I allow him/her to become the standard by which others are compared rather than visa-versa.  As I choose Stephen to be the one I allow to meet my needs emotionally--as he is equipped to do so--I am giving him the unique place in my life to be the one who sets the standard of what is attractive to me. And, as Stephen allows me to be the only one he gives his eyes permission to gaze at, enjoy, "etc", he is allowing me to become his standard of beauty. When a man chooses to get his visual stimuli going by multiple images and/or women, his wife will never be able to compete. (Just think of the supermodels who have divorced their cheating husbands!) But when a man chooses, like Job, to make a covenant with his eyes not to look with lust at other women, he is giving his wife an amazing position in his own life.

It always boggles our minds as a couple when we hear people say that physical intimacy within marriage is boring; or that there is a fear it would become boring. Nothing could be further from the truth! The beauty of faithfulness within marriage is in the choice. Every day, I choose Stephen Hendrix all over again. Every day, he chooses me again. This keeps romance, friendship, and passion alive within our relationship.

I have been saying a new thing to him for about a year or so now and it's simply this, "I love 'us'." I love the "us" that God has brought into being; I love the "us" we are today; and I love the "us" we are becoming as we grow in greater intimacy and friendship. I know the enemy of our souls would love nothing more than to come between us as a couple--and boy has he tried! I have a feeling that as I post this, he will do his dead-level best to throw a wrench in this very area, and so I humbly covet your prayers for my marriage.

If you would like for us to pray for you and your marriage, please don't hesitate to let me know. It would be my honor to lift you up. You can email me confidentially and directly at shelley@church4chicks.com

Additionally, if you need someone to walk with you through a challenging season or situation as an individual or as a couple, there are some great resources you can find at www.hqmg.org that I encourage you to look into.

If you are dealing with the painful consequences of infidelity or if pornography is impacting the intimacy in your relationship, another resource I trust is Route1520.com.

*I changed the name out of respect for privacy.

Open Your "I's" Part 3

If you've not read the other posts in this week's special series, I encourage you to check those out while you're here. I've asked my hubby, Stephen Hendrix, to join me in this special series on Love, Romance and Marriage. He has a lot to share! Here is Part 3 of 3 in the "Open Your I's" series.

Stephen and Shelley Hendrix 2010

Be open to Intentionality

By Stephen and Shelley Hendrix

His: I hear it constantly “I can’t believe that I get to be married to Stephen Hendrix!” This is just one of the many ways that Shelley is intentional about our relationship. She speaks affirming words on purpose so that I feel valued and important. Shelley came back from a conference recently and I know that she loves to come home to fresh clean sheets, so Sunday morning before church I made sure to put the sheets in the washer. Now, I do have to mention that the main cover sheet was wrapped up in the comforter and didn’t get washed but we’re talking about intent, not follow through. She didn't mind a bit. She was honored by the intent. 

When Shelley and I were dating and then in the beginning of our marriage, I noticed that at every meal we had a jar of pickles on the table. It didn’t matter if we were having steak or fish sticks, there were pickles on the table. I figured that Shelley really liked pickles until I noticed that she never ate them. You see, I like pickles (not with every meal), but I like pickles and this was Shelley’s way of being intentional about my favorite things. We don’t have pickles with every meal now but she is still conscious of my favorite things (like hot sauce) and she does her best to make sure I have them. Intentionality demonstrates care and concern which helps to create intimacy.

Hers: One comment a lot of long-time married folks say is that you have to work hard to make a marriage work. That sounds inviting, doesn't it?

Stephen and I took our puppy, Annie, on a walk recently and while we were walking, we were talking about this very blog series. I mentioned to him that, for the most part and on most days, I don't view our relationship as something I have to "work" at. It doesn't feel labored. It doesn't make me tired. (Again, I'm talking about MOST days.) But I do believe that we are "intentional."

We adopted something we learned from Pastor Johnny Hunt years ago in regard to his marriage. We used this phrase on our wedding day in the cards we gave out to everyone. It simply said, "Each for the other, and both for the Lord." It was our desire back then, and as we keep this before us, it helps us to be intentional with one another 11 years later. 

One way we choose to be intentional is in the way we honor one another in our relationships with others of the opposite sex. We live in a culture saturated by infidelity in many ways, and it is our desire that we remain to be the safest person in the world for one another. With this in mind, we have what Andy Stanley calls "Guard Rails" in place. For example, a guard rail for us is that we don't dine or drive with anyone of the opposite sex unless they are a relative. Another way that we honor one another in this way--intentionally--is that we purposely hold the other in esteem publicly as well as privately (i.e. You won't find us talking about how "hot" some actor or actress is on Facebook or to one another either.) 

**Come back Thursday for "The Beauty of Fidelity" where we'll talk about this in more detail.**

Be Open to Intimacy

Intimacy is defined “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person …” Many couples don’t seem to have much problem being close or physically affectionate (especially men), but how familiar are most couples. Yes, couples may be familiar with each other on the surface, but are they familiar with feelings, desires and dreams. Does your spouse feel safe enough to express feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or shame? If your spouse has a dream, do you know what it is? Would they risk sharing it with you or would they feel belittled or silly? How is anger expressed in your relationship? Can you be vulnerable enough with your spouse to express anger and hurt? Do you mask it with rage or pretend it’s not there by stuffing it?

One of the greatest gifts we can give to our spouse is to be their safest place on earth. This didn't come easy to us--it still doesn't come easy on some days. We all bring our own "baggage" into a marriage and there ain't nothing like a marriage to reveal just what that baggage is! ;-) Sometimes, in order to learn how to do this, we need the guidance of someone else who is safe. This could be a counselor, a pastor, or another couple. If this is an area in which you desire to grow, but right now feel fearful when your spouse shares a struggle (because you've been wounded before or you don't know how to respond) take this Proverb to heart: 

"Where there is no guidance, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety."

Proverbs 11:14

This is what it took for us. We needed the counsel of older, wiser, and grace-filled Believers to help us grasp our new identity--in Christ AND as a couple--and to learn how to trust the Christ in us with our authentic selves. Before "the Fall" in the Book of Genesis, the Bible tells us that the Man Adam and his wife Eve were naked and felt no shame. This is the ideal for marriage: to be fully known and to fully know one another and to feel NO shame. This is why "becoming one" takes time. It's a sad reality that far too many couples give up on this process because of the pain that often accompanies this level of intimacy. But for those who choose to stay in the race, the process, the rewards are absolutely amazing!!

**We hope you have gotten something out of this part of the special series this week that you can implement in your significant relationships--especially with your spouse if you are married. :-) Tomorrow, we'll look at the topic of fidelity. As a woman, I struggled a lot with insecurity in this area because of past wounds. I will share some things I've never shared publicly before and so I invite you to come back for tomorrow's post on this topic. Through deep pain, God brought gracious healing to my heart and soul through the truths of His Word and the faithfulness of His counsel. 


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Stephen Hendrix, CADC is the Clinical Programs Officer for the HopeQuest Ministry Group near Atlanta, GA. HopeQuest is a residential ministry for men and women who struggle with life-dominating issues such as drug and alcohol abuse, sexual brokenness, and emotional strongholds. If you would like to find out more about HopeQuest and what it can offer you and/or a loved one, please visit www.hqmg.org

"Open Your I's" Part 2 of the Love and Marriage Series #Valentine's

In honor of Valentine's Day, my husband, Stephen and I are sharing this blog space for the week. The topic is on Love, Marriage, and Romance. Although these posts are written mainly with married couples in mind, I think that even if you are single you'll get a lot out of this series.








Part 2 of "Open Your I's"

Be open to Instill hope

by Shelley Hendrix

I was sitting on the couch as I waited for him to get home from work that day. I had just turned 30 years old and as a wife of a great guy, a mom raising three healthy children and a volunteer in my home church, I was at a place of great contentment and satisfaction in my life.  Things were going well—for the most part. I was still grieving the loss of another unborn child, but because of the grace of God and what He was doing in and for me, I began to find greater peace and acceptance of that loss. So life wasn’t perfect, of course, but life was pretty good. I had no idea God was about to interrupt everything like He did.

As Stephen walked up the stairs from the garage in the basement and into the main part of the house on that spring evening, I was still mentally rehearsing what I was about to tell him—or not tell him. I wasn’t sure yet. But because he is the safest person on earth for me, I heard myself saying these words, “I have something to tell you that I think God is saying to me.” He sat down on the love seat across from where I was sitting on the couch. I said, “I think God is calling me to full-time ministry. I think He is revealing to me that He wants me to begin teaching women, not only at our home church, but in other places as well.” That really was all I was aware of back then. (I had NO idea how much more the calling would involve, and I’m thinking now that that was a smart move on my Heavenly Father’s part! )

As soon as I got these words out of my mouth-and nervously at that—Stephen said, “He’s been telling me the same thing.” *My jaw dropped*

photo by Amelia Grace Photography

“What?”

“Yes. In my quiet times with Him He has been speaking to me; that as you’ve supported me all these years, it’s my turn to do the same for you.” *tears*

A lot…and I mean A LOT has happened since that conversation in 2004. I couldn’t have imagined a Church 4 Chicks ministry, much less that I would be leading it. I couldn’t imagine that God would allow me to have a platform and a microphone to share what He teaches me in our times alone together. I definitely didn’t imagine myself hosting a television show in one of the most powerful cities in the world. But do you know one of the main ingredients that has made all of this possible? The Hope instilled in me by the belief my husband has in me. No one is a bigger supporter or greater fan of Shelley Hendrix, than the one who gave her his name.

When I was single again after having been married for 6 and a half years, I prayed this prayer a lot: “Father, don’t let me get married again unless that means that a man can be more with me by his side than he could be without me there.” But the thought never occurred to me that he would bring someone alongside of me who would instill so much hope and courage and strength in me to become all that God designed and destined me to become.

As spouses, we get to be a significant voice to another human being. It’s a huge responsibility and a great honor. Think about a way that you can instill hope, or courage, or strength into the life of your spouse—or even a friend or child—who needs to hear you say that you believe in them. Why not go ahead and communicate that to them as soon as possible?

Part 1 Love & Marriage Series by Stephen & Shelley Hendrix #Valentines

*updated

photo by Amelia Grace Photography; used with permission

In honor of Valentine's Day, I asked my husband, Stephen if he would be willing to do a few guest posts with me this week on the topic of Love, Romance, and Marriage. I know you'll really enjoy hearing from him! We kick this off with a three-parter called "Open Your 'I's'"

"Open your I’s"

Be open to the Interests of your spouse

by Stephen Hendrix

January 20, 2011.

It was our 11^th wedding anniversary. Earlier that day Shelley was playing different love songs from her iPhone to commemorate the special occasion. I appreciated the sentiment and enjoyed listening to her sing along as if she was talking to me. We went to lunch, to a movie, hung out for a little while, back to eat dinner and then went to get a puppy (that’s a previous blog). While driving back with our new puppy in the car, I plugged in my iPhone to play something from my playlist, a little country. I put on the Zac Brown Band, Colder Weather (not exactly the best anniversary song). However Shelley remained silent, played with the new puppy and just listened as I sang along (off key of course). The next song that came on was Highway 20 Ride, a song about a divorced father driving Highway 20 between Georgia and Alabama to pick up his son for visitation and then drop him off again (I know, I know, another great choice for an anniversary song). I realized this half way through the song and turned on something like Air Supply. 

My point is not my bad choice of romantic music, even though that is glaringly obvious, my point is that Shelley is not interested in Country music, but she is interested in me. I felt validated, important, and understood. Shelley communicated to me that my thoughts, feelings and opinions mattered to her and therefore I mattered to her. Does your spouse know that they matter to you? Are his or her interests important to you even though they may not interest you?  Guys, watching a chick flick may not be your idea of a night on the town, but it will speak volumes to her. Ladies, you may not know a football from a Frisbee but sitting on the couch with him when his team is down by a field goal in the 4^th Quarter, understanding his tears if they lose and the broken ceiling fan if they win. Patience and understanding can go a long way towards intimacy and that’s the “I” you want to open. 

*What is your spouse interested in? How can you affirm your spouse by communicating to him/her that you are interested in them (even if you don't share the same fondness for the same things)? A little bit can go a really long way to convey honor to the one to whom you said, "I do."

Stephen & Shelley

Come on back for Tomorrow's Post:

Be Open to Instill Hope

By Shelley Hendrix

Taking Thoughts Captive or Stuffing Emotions? (A repost)

In 1999, I found myself in counseling as I was going through the difficulties of an unwanted divorce. I’ll never forget one of the days in particular that I was going to see my counselor. On the way to see him, I planned to discuss the pain I was struggling with and the emotions I was experiencing. I kind of rehearsed what I was going to say in my mind before ever getting there because I didn’t want to waste his time or mine. 

When I sat down with him and got through the initial pleasantries of “How are you?” “Fine,” and the like, I began to say what I had rehearsed in my mind. As soon as the words “I feel….” began to escape my lips, he stopped me right then and there. His interrupted me with, “We aren’t here to discuss feelings. I don’t want to hear you use those words. I want to hear what you believe because that is what is going to determine how you get through all of this.” It took me by surprise because I thought counselors wanted clients to discuss their feelings—something I had never been really comfortable doing, but thought it was to be expected. I thought of all the places that would be safe enough to be brutally honest, a counseling office would be it. Nope. After that initial and brief shock, I was in fact relieved. I didn’t actually want to discuss the fact that I was feeling violated, rejected, abandoned, used, and afraid. It seemed weak. It seemed whiney. It didn’t feel like “faith that moves mountains.” It was much easier to rattle off Scripture passages that could tell this man what I believed. So that’s what I did. I tucked away those unpleasant feelings and I impressed this man with how much biblical knowledge I had and how “right” I believed. I kept everything positive… and we both bought it. We only met a couple of times after that and he told me I didn’t need counseling because I was doing just fine. 

Just fine?

Over the next several years, those words continued to impact me. “Feelings don’t matter—only beliefs.” I had never really believed my thoughts, opinions or feelings mattered much. The counselor’s advice only strengthened that idea. I believed that my beliefs and behavior were what counted, so I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I took those negative ‘thoughts’ captive and moved on with right behavior to the best of my ability. I studied Scripture for clues on “how to” believe and behave just right. 

In 2004, I went through a difficult season that forced me to look at the pain in my life. I won’t go into it here, but suffice it to say, it was one of the most difficult experiences I’ve ever dealt with. And the odd thing is, the trigger that forced the pain to the surface wasn’t really that big of a deal all by itself. God, in His mercy, wisdom, and love for me put me into a situation that required me to get completely honest. Ah---and that’s the key, isn’t it? He wants us to be HONEST. He revealed to me how all those times in my life that I thought I was “taking thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ,₁” I was in reality stuffing emotions I didn’t like feeling; and in doing so, I was living a less than honest life.

God desires truth in the deepest parts of who we are…₂

God wants us to be completely honest with him—not impressive. Honest. You and I can go to him with EVERYTHING. If I refuse full disclosure with God (and myself), for the sake of ‘being positive or faith-filled,’ I miss out on the deeper intimacy of knowing God and being known by Him. Just as I can only know my husband to the degree that I know what he thinks and feels, and not just what he does, our ability to know and be known by God in a real relationship is hindered when I miss out on this level of intimacy.

After that experience in 2004, I began viewing Scripture through a different lens. Rather than reading the Bible as a “how to guide,” I began to see the story within the stories. And I realized something else, too: God chose to use people who were imperfect, but REAL. Think about it. David—real. Jeremiah—real. Abraham—real. Esther—real. The disciples—real. (Except for one, and we all know how that turned out!) God used pretty unimpressive people and did very impressive things through them because He had their true selves—the good, the bad, and the ugly. When they were flagging in their faith, they told Him. When they were discouraged and ready to quit, they told him that, too. When they were in awe of Him and His faithfulness, they praised Him sincerely.

God wants to do a real thing in each of us, but He can’t do this until He has the real us to work in and through.

God isn’t waiting for us to be perfect or polished or even “positive”-- especially if it’s all just a façade. He wants us to GET REAL. He invites us into a relationship with Him where the real me meets up with the real Creator of my very being. How can we ever absorb the truth that sets us free if we keep ourselves chained to the shackles of lies and half-truths just for the sake of proving we have faith? How can we be set free if we refuse to trust the very One who has the power to set us free?

It dawned on me during that season in ’04 that all the time I spent thinking I was taking thoughts captive, I was actually just stuffing emotions. I was pretending. I wasn’t being completely honest with myself or with God—much less anyone else! I realized I didn’t really even know myself because I had never allowed myself to be completely honest—I was too busy trying to behave. I began to realize that these emotions God gave me are designed for a purpose and when we keep them from doing what they were created to do, they don’t like it. Eventually, and in one way or another, they surface. Someone once asked me, “So when you went through that experience, God showed you your feelings matter?” And I answered, “NO. It was so much bigger than that. God showed me that I matter (to God)!” 

I’m so grateful that In those times when my trust in Him is flagging, I can cry out with honesty, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!³” 

And, you know what? He has. He does. He will.

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How have you dealt with negative emotions? It’s easy to swing in either direction of extremes: from adopting a negative view of life in general and becoming a complainer, to pretending all is well even when things are falling apart around us. I believe there’s a balance and I believe we can live there—imperfectly, but more and more consistently as we learn to be honest. What about you?

₁ See I Corinthians 10:5

₂See Psalm 51:6

3 See Mark 9:24

God's Word is Active #SHINE #Church4Chicks

This is an excerpt from the "Shine" series written study guide. If you would like to get this study in its entirety, please click here.

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¹³Here is another reason why we never stop thanking God: When you received God’s word from us, you realized it wasn’t the word of humans. Instead, you accepted it for what it really is—the word of God. This word is at work in you believers. 

I Thess. 2:13

·       According to this passage, if you are God's child, His Word is ACTIVE in you right now!

³¹So Jesus said to those Jews who had believed in Him, If you abide in My word [hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them], you are truly My disciples.   ³²And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”

John 8:31-32 (Amplified Bible)

·       There is a big difference between “hanging out” with someone and “abiding” with that person. In a similar way, there is a big difference between “hanging out” with God’s Word (i.e. Sunday morning messages at church, weekly Bible study meetings, etc) and “abiding” in God’s Word. Describe this difference AND the difference abiding in God’s Word makes in a person’s life.

“In times past, I have experienced seasons of days and weeks in which I struggled to make God’s Word the priority I knew it needed to be in my life. These seasons felt like trying to swim in a desert. In other words, everything felt dry and anything I attempted to do seemed pointless. I would attend conferences or even hear my own pastors share the Word and I would often feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed and inadequate about my own lack of knowledge of what the Bible says and even my own level of commitment to read and study it more. I knew something needed to change, but I wasn’t sure how to make the change.”

·       Have you experienced seasons in your life similar to the one shared above? If so, how do you relate to this honest expression about such a difficult struggle?

           I want to give you something to encourage you on your journey to making God’s Word more of a priority in your life. Throughout Scripture we read that God’s Word is like water (see Ephesians 5:26 and Isaiah 55:10-11 for just two examples) which cleanses the one who reads it. Romans 12:1-3 teaches us to make a priority of the Word in order to have our minds (our thinking and thought patterns) transformed. I don’t know about you, but when I have gotten out of the habit of drinking water, I lose my desire for it. If I’m filling up on sweet tea, coffee, or other sugary drinks, my thirst actually decreases while my taste buds quickly learn to crave these other beverages. These drinks may satisfy my sweet tooth, but they don’t adequately quench my thirst.

            But let’s say I make a decision based on knowing that my body needs clean, pure water to operate more optimally, that I’m going to start drinking more plain ol’ healthy water. At first, my taste buds are going to protest as they crave the sweet stuff they’ve gotten used to. It’s going to feel strange and uncomfortable—at first! But in a fairly short amount of time, I’m going to notice a few things:

1.     I begin to feel thirsty more often and for water;

2.     Other drinks (especially sugary ones) taste “too” sweet now;

3.     I need to use the restroom more often! (Water is "active" in us--it helps eliminate toxins and waste= cleansing my body from the inside out)

4.     I’ll look and feel healthier to the point that many times, others will begin to notice;

5.     My energy increases, enabling me to accomplish more in less time;

6.     I want to tell others to start drinking water, too!

I think you get my point, right? As we make God’s Word a priority, what changes will we notice (as it parallels to drinking water)? You might want to jot these down in your journal or Bible. Use these notes to help you stay on track. 

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Prayer Starter for Today… Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the promises of Your Word. To know that Your Word is alive and active in me today gives me incredible hope and assurance as I simply walk through my day. May I shine like the stars wherever You lead me today as I hold fast to Your Word!