from the archives...
originally posted May 17, 2008
It happens to the best of us, and to the rest of us, too, and mine happened Wednesday. Yes, I had a meltdown. The dictionary defines a meltdown this way: "the melting of a significant portion of a nuclear-reactor core due to inadequate cooling of the fuel elements, a condition that could lead to the escape of radiation." So, with that being said, maybe "meltdown" is too strong a word to describe what happened to me, but in all sincerity it was a very, very bad day. It reminded me of the title of a children's book: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, except this was Shelley's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Are you with me--the day was bad. I had a meltdown.
I wish I could say that as the rug was pulled out from under me and my heart was crushed that I handled it like the spiritual giant I wish I was...or were...I'm so glad grammar isn't graded here. I wish I could tell you I did the right thing and praised God anyways and claimed His promises for me and my loved ones. I wish...
I won't go into what happened--why relive that right?--but I will 'fess up that I shed a lot of tears, questioned God, and had a bit of a temper tantrum as well. I had a good old fashioned 24 hour pity party for 1. I told Stephen at one point in the day, through tears and all the attractive realites that accompany that level of sobbing, "I know one day I'll look back on this and I will see how God was faithful, but right now He seems a million miles away. The devil, however, feels very real and very close." And to be honest, I was a bit frustrated by the fact that I've been an avid student of the Word of God for the past 20 years now. Every time I'd start thinking the wrong thing, a Scripture or story from the Bible would pop into my head and try to burst my negative bubbles. Sometimes we just want to be upset, don't we?
Thankfully, when I am faithless, HE remains faithful. He is even called "Faithful and True." I love that. On this side of the fallout, already, I can once again sense His nearness and His concern for me--and that which concerns me--and those I love who are my concern. He sees. He cares. He is working even when we can't recognize it or see the proof of His involvement.
And He can handle our meltdowns--Praise Him for that!
I don't know where you are today. But He does. I am thankful--so thankful--that my feelings don't dictate what's true. His word is what's true.
I wish I could say that as the rug was pulled out from under me and my heart was crushed that I handled it like the spiritual giant I wish I was...or were...I'm so glad grammar isn't graded here. I wish I could tell you I did the right thing and praised God anyways and claimed His promises for me and my loved ones. I wish...
I won't go into what happened--why relive that right?--but I will 'fess up that I shed a lot of tears, questioned God, and had a bit of a temper tantrum as well. I had a good old fashioned 24 hour pity party for 1. I told Stephen at one point in the day, through tears and all the attractive realites that accompany that level of sobbing, "I know one day I'll look back on this and I will see how God was faithful, but right now He seems a million miles away. The devil, however, feels very real and very close." And to be honest, I was a bit frustrated by the fact that I've been an avid student of the Word of God for the past 20 years now. Every time I'd start thinking the wrong thing, a Scripture or story from the Bible would pop into my head and try to burst my negative bubbles. Sometimes we just want to be upset, don't we?
Thankfully, when I am faithless, HE remains faithful. He is even called "Faithful and True." I love that. On this side of the fallout, already, I can once again sense His nearness and His concern for me--and that which concerns me--and those I love who are my concern. He sees. He cares. He is working even when we can't recognize it or see the proof of His involvement.
And He can handle our meltdowns--Praise Him for that!
I don't know where you are today. But He does. I am thankful--so thankful--that my feelings don't dictate what's true. His word is what's true.
Psalm 119:175 "Let me live that I may praise You and may Your laws sustain me."
Philippians 2:15b-16a "You will shine like stars among them in the world as you hold firmly to the word of life."
Like you said, I'm so glad that my feelings don't dictate what is true. Our God is Truth and He speaks ONLY TRUTH.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Sheryl. There's no other word for Grace than AMAZING. Hugs to you!
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